The Mecca of Space Food Enthusiasts

Okay, so this blog is not specifically related to uni, but as a student, high energy snack food is crucial in effective study and I was just far too excited about my discovery not to include this here..........

On my latest grocery shopping escapade to Woollies I made a momentous discovery.

Now I am a bit of a wanderer when it comes to grocery shopping, I like to take my time, saunter down each aisle, perusing the shelves carefully to see what is on offer. I think this is born from the fact that I don't actually get out that much, and that a trip to the local co-op is in fact a highlight of my week.

Now, as I am a fairly healthy person I normally skip the chocolate/biscuits aisle, but on this occasion I threw caution to the wind and hesitantly stepped foot into the brightly coloured wizz-bang passageway of junk food. What possessed me? Was it a gnawing curiosity of what lay inside these multitudes of shelves containing pretty boxes and packets? Or was it simply low blood sugar? Whatever it was, I soon found myself surrounded by a variety of advertising ploys aimed at everyone, from white-trash toddlers, to upper-class baby boomers. Because when it comes to junk food, there is no discrimination based upon race, religion, age or class. Everyone loves a bit of sugar and fat rolled into a great tasting and euphoria-inducing snack. Jumping out at me were psychedelic cartoon characters and neon animals to entice the kiddies. At the other end of the scale were seductive images, rich colours and expensive looking packaging to beguile even the most aloof of adults

So as I wandered slowly, my senses heightened by the sheer excitement, taking in the Old Gold, the Chicos, the Oreo’s of various flavours and the more expensive boxed gift chocolates on the fringes, I spotted something I never would have expected. Something, that if you told me that morning still existed, I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have called you a liar, a cheat, and promptly thrown you from my home. Something I believed to exist only in my past along with Slap Bands, War Heads and Hyper colour t-shirts. I spotted on a bottom shelf, underneath the Savings Brand jelly beans, tucked away, almost hoping to remain unseen, several boxes of Space Food Sticks in their somehow familiar red boxes, with a BMX bike rider on the front.

My reaction was dramatic. My pulse quickened, my mouth became dry and my hands sweaty. I looked around furtively, hoping no one appeared to break the spell that had been cast on me. Was it real? Was I dreaming? Were they really playing “Everything I do, I do it for you” by Bryan Adams over the PA system or had I actually travelled back in time to 1991 when the love affair with space food began? I approached the small red boxes carefully, like you would a mirage, or the end of a rainbow desperately hoping that they wouldn’t disappear when you got close. Only when my fingers closed around the cardboard edges did I return to 2007 and the fluorescent glare of the supermarket aisle, with an over-whelming sense of fulfilment coursing through my veins.

My excitement was palpable, in my wildest dreams I never would have even dared to imagine a return of the beloved Space Food Stick. I thought I was just going to have to continue living a half-life, never feeling content with the snack food available to me. But Lady Luck had sparkled in my direction and brought back my favourite childhood treat.

I finished my shopping in a daze, frequently averting my gaze to the spot in my trolley where my Space Food Sticks lay, seemingly giving off a soft glowing aura. As I approached the checkout and reached for my purse, it’s lightness jolted me back to reality and the memory of my limited shopping budget returned to me. I had arrived at the moment of truth. Do I forsake the holy grail of snack foods, or the nutritious foods that will sustain me throughout my days? My decision was instinctive, my movements swift, as I hid a head of lettuce, some potatoes and an ear of corn behind the chilling drinks that preceded the checkout.

I held my breath as each electronic beep of the scanner brought me closer to my monetary limit, each time fearing it would be the end of my dream. I let out a gasp when she finished, so loud that I startled several of the checkout team and with a huge, slightly frightening smile, I handed over my money and took into my possession the Mecca of space food enthusiasts.

Now, some of you may have never had the great honour of eating food that has been especially designed for consumption by astronauts. Astronauts don’t just get your average Joe Bloe kinda of snack food. They get highly engineered, extensively researched and packed-full-of-flavour kind of treats. They are not like your ordinary human, who has to be a slave to gravity or who extols the virtues of ‘life on earth’. They have experienced life beyond earth and for that they treated like Gods, with their dehydrated Neapolitan ice cream and nutrient-dense food in stick form.

When you eat space food you wonder why you have spent your entire life eating food of the plebs when you could have been living the high life. It’s like drinking Moet when all you have had in the past is Passion Pop, or Heinz baked beans when you have been filling up on Home brand. Horizons are expanded, and a brighter future rears its head. Where you previously saw bad you now see good. Where you saw traffic lights, you now see trees. Wandering teenagers turn magically into frolicking antelopes. Airplanes into heavenly maidens playing celestial tunes on their harps. The world you thought existed was merely an appearance to a mind lacking knowledge and experience of space food. For connoisseurs of the space food genre, the sky’s the limit.

When I left the shop, I headed towards my car, clutching my prize to my chest and hissing at passing shoppers, who in no doubt in my mind, were coveting my discovery and plotting to kill me. I slid into the car, hastily locking the doors and disentangled myself from the green bag that contained my loot. As I removed the box, with the BMX rider smiling knowingly at me, I heard strains of the celestial music and I knew at once that my moment had come. I eased out the first stick and removed it from it’s wrapping. The first stick was always the greatest because you knew there were still five left, just waiting to be consumed. I took my first bite and I knew that my memory had not fooled me. The sweet chocolaty flavour and chewy texture brought me to the verge of tears, so much so, that I almost reversed into the trolley return. My return trip back from the shops was exceptional, each Space Food Stick providing even more pleasure then the last. Sadness only came when my hand reached the bottom of the box, but I reminded myself that greatness must not abused and space food was not to be trifled with.

No one person has the power to possess all the space food in the world and we must be grateful for what small allowances we are given.

As for why there is a BMX rider on the front of a Space Food Stick box? It is a mystery that many great sages have spent their entire life trying to answer. Maybe when we can answer that we will attain enlightenment and live permanently in the bliss of the space food variety.