I have discovered the secret to a successful exam. No it's not copious amounts of studying or having the answers written up the inside of your left arm. Neither is it a proficient understanding of the topics covered in every unit. Although knowledge is of course a handy thing to have during exam week, if you want to really succeed, the secret is in pre exam sustenance. We've all heard the term 'brain food' spouted by our mothers and in the old Channel 9 Community Service announcement ads (for those too young to remember these TV wonders, please feel free to check out the You Tube video and be amazed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-bRi1qHPVY) Food that makes you clever, witty and far more attractive to the opposite sex. Food that would transform a credit into a high distinction. Along with omega 3 packed fish and lycopene filled tomatoes, banana's are a brain boosting marvel and my preferred lifeboat in brain challenging times of need.
I guess they have almost become a bit of a superstition for me. Ever since I was in Year 10, when exams started to become more important then playing elastics in the playground, I have had a ritual of consuming a banana before each exam. The only time I remember not having a Potassium vessel prior to an exam, was a time I would rather forget. The experience was punctuated with memory loss, pencil biting and a unfortunate bout of snoring during reading time. Yes, I had discovered that bananas gives you sprightliness rivaling that of a cheerleading on the night of the big game, first rate memory like that that of an elephant (apparently they never forget) and intelligence so great as to attract the interest of Mensa.
This knowledge in hand I ensured that my fridge was stocked high with bananas and on the morning of my exam, as I crawled out of bed cursing the fact that my exam wasn't in the afternoon instead, I made myself a protein filled, instant smartness-inducing banana smoothie. Considering that my normal waking time was in fact 2 hours after this exam started, and I had only fallen asleep a mere 3 hours earlier, thanks to by banana brekkie I was surprisingly jovial and bright eyed as I approached the Gym. I wizzed through my exam in a banana induced euphoria, stopping only once to be lead to the bathroom like a prisoner. So strange it was to have someone standing outside the cubicle as you peed that I felt compelled to make a break for freedom, Shawshank style, by crawling through the sewerage system and make my way to Mexico. Alas, I allowed my 'prison' guard to lead my back to my table so I could finish my rant on Virtual Reality.
Post exam, as I reflected on my performance I realised that bananas, so great, yet so humble, could be a replacement for one of Captain Planet's Planeteer's powers. I mean all those who watched the show, along with being able to annoy many by singing the theme song, knew that Ma-ti's lame power of Heart did in fact suck. He was the brunt of so many Planet fans jokes and I believe that his power could quite easily be replaced by banana to the satisfaction of even the greatest of Captain Planet fansters. Who needs heart when you have the power of banana to increase your memory, intelligence and of course coolness?
By your powers combined, I am Captain Exam.
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